Whether you’re with a partner or flying solo, women often face more barriers to orgasm. From a lack of biological knowledge to mental blocks, it’s no surprise that 20% of women claim they’ve never orgasmed, and a shocking 50% wish they could orgasm more. Though not so taboo anymore, the female orgasm has always divided opinion. This has led to a general misunderstanding and a lack of pleasure for women worldwide. But we want to change that!

Keep reading to understand the general components of the female orgasm and how you can increase your chances of having one. Like the sound of that? We do, too. Let’s go!

Why Are Women Less Likely to Orgasm?

Before we jump into the juicy stuff, it’s essential to discuss the orgasm gap. This term refers to the difference between male and female orgasms in the context of heterosexual sex. Studies have shown that women are having fewer orgasms than men, with only 49% of wives in heterosexual newlywed couples reporting consistent orgasms, compared to 87% of husbands. So, we bet you’re wondering why the gap exists. Experts aren’t exactly sure. Some think it’s purely biological, while others blame a lack of sexual education and the shame surrounding female sexuality and pleasure.

How to Have Your First Orgasm

If you haven’t orgasmed before but are interested in reaching your peak, it’s important to note that real orgasms aren’t like the screaming finales you see in films. While some may have that reaction, others don’t. What’s really important is that you take the pressure off yourself and reframe your goals. Rather than thinking of orgasm as a be-all and end-all achievement, focus on simply enjoying the pleasure.

Here are some tips you can use to enhance your sexual experience and make orgasm more likely:

1. Consider It a Journey
   Focus on the journey rather than the destination. This might sound cliché, but it’s a tried-and-tested way to remove the mental blocks that might be stopping your orgasms.

2. Make Sure You’re in a Comfortable Surrounding
   There’s no point in trying to orgasm if you feel uncomfortable. Ensure you’re somewhere you won’t be distracted or interrupted. Knowing you’re in a safe space will also lead to a more relaxed mindset.

3. Take Time to Get in the Mood
   You need to be turned on before you can orgasm! Set the mood and think sexy thoughts. An erotic story, pornography, or your imagination can help with this.

4. The Physical Stuff
   Now to the important part – how you should touch yourself. Everyone likes different sensations and speeds. However, if you have a vagina and clitoris, a good place to start is by massaging the fleshy area above your clit. From here, you can slowly work down to reach your clitoris. Typically, you’ll find yourself wanting to rub harder and faster. Experiment with pressure and speed until you feel like you’re going to lose control. You may also want to experiment with some vaginal penetration, through your fingers or with a sex toy. Different sensations mixed together might bring you closer to a peak.

What If You Don’t Orgasm?

If you’ve tried and not succeeded, don’t panic. Some people can orgasm easier than others, and not achieving one doesn’t mean it’s impossible for you. Consider your last attempt and assess what happened. Did you feel like you were almost going to orgasm, or did you not feel anything at all? Did you enjoy the sensations? Or do you think a sex toy or a different approach could help you get more turned on? Were you stressed out during or before the session? Life stress (work, health, relationships) can impact your ability to feel sexual pleasure, even if it doesn’t seem related.

Consider trying again with different variables. Yes, this sounds a little like a science experiment, but it can be a fun one! If at any point masturbation or sex no longer feels pleasurable or safe, set a boundary and stop.

Should You See a Doctor If You Can’t Orgasm?

It’s not usually recommended to see your GP if you can’t orgasm unless you’re also experiencing pain or signs of infection. However, you can address orgasms with a sex therapist. Unlike doctors, sex therapists focus on the psychological aspects of sexuality and can help with communication, body confidence, sex education, and overcoming mental blocks related to orgasm.

What Actually Happens to Your Body When You Orgasm?

When learning to orgasm, understanding your body’s biological processes during orgasm can be helpful. It’s worth noting that not all orgasms are the same; some can be stronger and more intense than others. Physical symptoms of an orgasm in women include a sudden release of sexual tension, increased blood pressure, faster heart rate, quick breaths, and involuntary muscle contractions in areas like the feet, abdomen, or legs. You might experience all of these or only one or two. There’s no right or wrong combination.

Other Ways to Increase the Chance of Orgasm

Playing with different elements can help you get closer to orgasm. Follow what you’re drawn to and explore your fantasies. Here are some common turn-ons that may inspire your sex life:

• Spend more time on foreplay or external stimulation
• Add a romantic narrative to your session
• Touch non-sexual parts of your body (e.g., your stomach or legs)
• Experiment with kissing if you’re with a partner
• Engage your senses through blindfolds or temperature play

The Takeaway

Orgasms might feel a world away, but as you continue exploring pleasure, you’ll get closer to that big O. It’s vital to take the pressure off yourself and focus on enjoyment. If you concentrate solely on achieving orgasm, it might take the joy out of the experience and leave you feeling frustrated.

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